She Leads a Life of Crime

Oh, in case you didn't know, Paris Hilton has decided to go off to jail now. TMZ has way more coverage than the link I just referred you to. In addition, TMZ has posts on Paris's living situation, her meals, her trip, her last hours out. Anything you could want to know about Paris Hilton and her trip to the clink can be found out from TMZ.com. And if that isn't good enough for you, TMZ has listed ways for you to write letters and visit the embattled celebutant.

Honestly, this is something that shouldn't have been covered because it furthers the idea that Paris Hilton is an actual celebrity. Yes, she is a real person, but I'm a real person too. And I, like Hilton, have done nothing to further my celebrity in life and don't reference anything involving National Lampoon as proof. Those straight-to-video movies are jokes and do not further anything except the distance between these shitty new movies and old classics involving Chevy Chase. Also, if I wanted to, I could probably have a reality show on television now too. The Simple Life is not really an accomplishment that I want to write home about, but Paris and Kathy probably talk about it all of the time. She would talk to Pops but he's busying making money to be blown away (no pun intended).

So, with this all said, I am declaring a moratorium on Paris Hilton for the next 22 days. She's in jail and she's not really important in my own life, so I'm not going to talk about her. And I'm actually going to hold up my moratorium unlike those punk ass bitches over at the Associated Press.