I Guess She Stuck It To Her

A Houston woman named Syvette Wimberly is involved in a quite interesting suit. From the Houston Chronicle:

She may not be a star, but Laura Madden has made a name for herself in pornographic movies. The problem is it's not her own.

When she embarked on her career in 2004, Madden, 25, selected the stage name Syvette Wimberly. She has appeared in a dozen or so hard-core videos under that name, including Irresistibly Delicious, Innocence and Dominance and others inappropriate for mention in a family newspaper.

But Madden's nom-de-sex did not spring from her imagination. It belongs to an old classmate at Kingwood High School, and the real Syvette Wimberly is none too happy about the attention that has come her way from people wondering why she was appearing in 18 and Hitchhiking.

So unhappy, in fact, that she recently filed suit against Madden and Vivid Entertainment Group, a major producer of adult films, asking that they no longer use or publicize the name and demanding damages for inflicting "humiliation, embarrassment, loss of enjoyment of life, emotional distress, mental anguish and anxiety."

They tell you not to use your real name. But, I don't think this is what they meant. Also, if the people who are getting in touch with you aren't smart enough to realize that a) you look nothing like the person in the photos that you can find on Google and b) the screen name of a porn star is never their real name (whose parents are dumb enough to name their child Jon Dough? Jewel DeNyle? Monique DeMoan?), the real Ms. Wimberly might want to contemplate keeping new acquaintances or changing her phone number.

Too Chewy

Fox News:

Starburst Fruit Chews are exactly as their name would indicate: chewy. But one Michigan woman says the candies are so chewy, they should come with a warning label.

Victoria McArthur, of Romero, Mich., is suing Starbursts' parent company, Mars Inc., for more than $25,000 for "permanent personal injuries" she claims she sustained after biting into one of their yellow candy in 2005.

"I don't know, maybe about 3 chews and it literally locked my jaw … and it just literally pulled my jaw out of joint," she told MyFoxDetroit.com.

I don't need to say anything more. I really don't. This woman has made more than enough of an ass out of herself.

The World Is Somewhat Sane

DC Judge and general asshole Roy Pearson was dealt a "blow" when he found out that his suit against Custom Cleaners had been thrown out by the court. The Judge presiding determined that the cleaners did not violate any city rules by not giving Pearson full satisfaction.

This is a fitting end to the tragedy that is this case. I'm sure I have not heard the end of this case as Pearson will most likely appeal, but that is unknown as of this time. But, this is a victory for everyone right now.

Ruining it for Everyone Else

The ongoing joke of an article this week is that a family in Chicago is suing the Chicago Public Schools for the psychological distress caused to a twelve-year old after seeing the homosexuality-laden Ang Lee-directed drama Brokeback Mountain. The family suing in this case is also one that complained to the school about the literature containing curse words.

Actually, I'm not going to pile on a lot here actually. I'll give them the beef with Brokeback. Seeing as these are middle schoolers and not say juniors or seniors in high school, I'll side with the family in saying that showing it is slightly inappropriate. 500K inappropriate? No fucking chance. It's maybe an ice cream cone and an after school special chat about homosexuality inappropriate. This doesn't need to go to court at all.

But, I won't stand for this family dictating what I read, which is what they essentially did by complaining about curse words in texts. The most important works of literature are offensive to some group of people. For example, I love Huck Finn, but it burned me up inside to read Twain to throw around the word nigger so flippantly. Huck eventually learned his lesson, but that's not the point. The point is that good literature will, indubitably, offend someone.

This family's quickness to pull the lawsuit and go litigious is hurting all of us. This lawsuit stifles creativity, experimenting, and the liberties given to teachers to do the best job that they can do. If she is so distraught about watching Brokeback Mountain, why doesn't this family sue the makers of Will and Grace? That show's about gay people and it's unwatchable.