Only In D.C.

This isn't a typical only in D.C. story as it doesn't involve Crack, PCP, or Marion Barry. But, this is another good example of the type of crazy shit that happens in the shadow of the White House and United States Capitol that no one else in the country really experiences. From The Guardian:

After what seemed an eternity, another guest offered the robber a sip of the bordeaux they were drinking. "He tasted the wine, and said: 'Damn, that's really good wine.' And it really was," Mr Rabdau said. The guests offered him a glass, and then the entire bottle. The would-be robber helped then himself to a piece of camembert.

He put the gun away, and told the guests: "I think I must have come to the wrong house," and told them he was sorry. He asked for a hug, and each of the guests gave him a squeeze.

The robber then asked for a group hug, and the party guests formed a circle to embrace him. The robber then poured himself a full glass of wine and let himself out.

In any other city, this would have ended up with a gun battle because of concealed gun laws. In D.C., this ended up in peace. Michael Scott was right: everything can be hugged out.

I Didn't Make This Up

Even if I did, I wouldn't admit to it. From Ananova:

A Bulgarian professor has promised students A grades if they write about Angelina Jolie's boobs and buy a copy of his new book.

Professor Stefan Karastoyanov, of the Geology and Geography Department of Sofia University, made the promise as a protest after he was not paid for three months because of cash problems.

He said: "If they write about Angelina Jolie's boobs and buy my book they'll get an A."

So far 80 of the 120 students sitting his classes have ordered his book.

That's one way to get people to read your book.

Wow, That Sucks!

From CBS News:

A dozen riders on an Arkansas roller coaster spent half an hour hanging upside down — 150 feet above the ground — after a power outage shut down the attraction.

It took about 30 minutes for the city Fire Department to rescue the riders using a ladder truck Saturday evening, said Aundrea Crary, spokeswoman for the Springs & Crystal Falls amusement park.

Spectators cheered when the riders were brought to the ground from the highest point of a loop on the X-Coaster, but one passenger threw up after reaching safety.

I already don't ride roller coasters. This just adds more reason to that.

I Don't Know What To Say

So, in addition to making up new names for diseases to sell drugs in advertising, the medical world has now created a name for playing too many video games. They call it Wiiitis, pronounced wii-eye-tis. It affects people who play too much Wii Tennis. I literally don't know what to say about this. Is this even a real affliction? Shouldn't you already be questioning yourself enough if you are playing so much Wii as to fall victim to such a pointless problem? I really need the world to give me a break from time to time instead of having such pointless problems.

Wheelchairs Have More Fun

From the AP:

A man was taken on a wild ride when his wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was accidentally pushed down a highway for four miles at about 50 mph, authorities said.

Yes, yes, yes. There are two brilliant parts to this story. The first part being that the wheelchair-bound man was not upset about getting stuck to a truck, but was upset about spilling his soda. Also, I like the fact that the truck driver did not know that the guy in the wheelchair was attached to the grill of his truck. That is really something right there.

I'm Not Sure I Want This Harlem Shake

From The New York Post:

A Harlem man has filed suit against the makers of the nutritional drink Boost, charging that the protein shake gave him the wrong kind of lift.

Christopher Woods said that drinking cans of Boost Plus Nutritional Energy Drink left him with an erection that wouldn't go away.

According to papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Woods was "caused to suffer and sustain severe bodily injuries" from "the erection that would not subside."

Now, I know men who drank Boost all of the time and this never happened to them. But, regardless, I think this dude was doing something more than drinking Boost to get an erection that wouldn't go away, as Boost is for old people and we all know old people can't get wood.

Yes!

I posted on this story before. In case you missed it, a Michigan cop confiscated weed and baked into brownies with his wife. Then, paranoid, the cop called 911.

This is the tape of the 911 call. Note the woman in the background who is cracking up when they come back.

I Always Knew It

Yahoo!:

A police officer will avoid criminal charges despite admitting he took marijuana from criminal suspects and, with his wife, baked it into brownies.

I always knew that cops used the stuff that they picked up off of perps. You have to love it though. Family bonding at its finest.

Whoa!

BBC News:

A teenage Japanese boy has been arrested after walking into a police station carrying a severed human head and claiming to have killed his mother.

The 17-year-old went to a police station in the town of Aizuwakamatsu, north of Tokyo, carrying the head in a sports bag, Japanese media said.

Shit. That's crazy.

I Hope They Tranquilized Him

Yahoo!:

A gang of armed robbers forced a man to strip naked and then glued him to his exercise bike and sealed his lips with more glue while they ransacked his house, according to a published report.

Note to robbers: it is not gangster to glue a dude to a bike while you rob his house. Effective, but so not gangster, especially stripping him naked.

Goat Sex? I Don't Know What This is About

From The Times (UK):

Rose, the goat that found international celebrity last year after being forced into marriage with a Sudanese man, has died after accidentally swallowing a plastic bag.

When did this story happen? When did an African guy marry a goat? Why wasn't I informed, so I could say that this guy was setting Black people back years with his actions. Additionally, why was this an international phenomenon? I mean it's ridiculous that a dude would marry a goat, but seriously. Actually, I just noticed that the line says the goat was FORCED to marry the man. While still setting the Black people back, I didn't know that a goat can be forced into marriage. That's really impressive in a bizarre way.

Regardless of facts, this story makes me laugh and cry a little bit. Laugh because this is absurd. Cry because this is really, really sad. Not the death, but the story itself.

I Hope He Doesn't Paint It

From the BBC, there is a man who built a replica of Noah's Ark as a testament to his faith in Jesus. Religion aside, it's pretty cool that a guy built Noah's Ark. That's really intense.

Truly Bizarre

Legos Kill.