Celebrities and the People Who Love Them?

So, if you are not up-to-date on the ins and outs of Hollywood, let me sweep you up to date with one classy phrase that a pimp somewhere developed years upon years ago: bitch is crazy. Which bitch you may ask? Glad you did. There are three, to be specific. Let's start with everyone's favorite child-bearing pop singer who married her backup dancer and his super sperm: Britney Spears.

Spears has been a straight mess. According to OK!, Spears had a breakdown at their interview. She looked like a hot mess, spread chicken grease on a Gucci dress, and cleaned up dog poop with a Chanel dress. I'm sure he'd probably kick an ass or two because that's what Karl Lagerfeld would do. Anyway, this is just more wood to the continual mess that has been the life of Britney Spears for the last year. Between the vag photos, the highly public divorce, PoPoZao, Playing With Fire, child custody battles, and coming out in public looking like a street walker, I don't know how Britney hasn't broken down yet either. This girl is a hot mess who either has a mental problem or is beyond saving. I'd like to think the former because that one is fixable. Seriously, I'm sick of seeing this chick make an ass out of herself and filling our gossip rags with useless, uninteresting information about her life. It's not funny anymore. It's really sad.

Any woman that I feel the same way about is Jessica Alba. First, this girl is a straight hater. She comes out in public and just makes hater comments. Unfortunately, she sounds vindictive and angry instead of kind of interesting. No man in the industrialized world, apparently, cares because she's supposed to be one of the hottest women on the face of the planet. I'm in disagreement because she doesn't really do anything for me physically; she's also kind of uninteresting to read about and that's an immediate turnoff to me (I do have to read the gossip about these people). Anyway, she broke up with her two-and-a-half year boyfriend in the most classless way possible: via Phone Call...from another continent. On top of this, she sent an assistant to his house to take his stuff out, thereby eliminating all need to see him again. I mean, except for the fact that she will because everyone in Hollywood sees each other again. Now, that's not G. That's not hood. That's straight punk. Bammas do shit like this. Alba is dead to me. She should act like a real human and at least do it face to face, even if it turns out terribly.

Someone that I wouldn't want to see right now is the misguided train wreck of a starlet Lindsay Lohan. Honestly, I think that she could be a good actress if she weren't always getting in ridiculous predicaments and affiliating herself with the wrong people. As you know from this very blog (Information Blast from the previous day to be exact), Lohan was busted for drugs and DUI. So, this arrest with all of her previous incidents means that Lohan the actress may be dead because no one will take the chance to actually hire here. The term that I read elsewhere was that Lohan was "uninsurable." When you are uninsurable anywhere, you have pretty much signed a death ticket, both literally and figuratively. I can only hope that Lohan pulls through this as she is a very good actress who does do well when given the right opportunity. I think her first step should be finding a new mom. I think a Dame should volunteer to take La Lohan under her wing, teach her how to be a better actress, and show her the right way in life. I think Helen Mirren should volunteer for this because I sense that she would have a sense of humor about it while also not being willing to take a lot of shit from Lindsay.

And, with the suggestion that Dame Helen take upon Lindsay Lohan, I depart from the left coast and go back to the mountain lifestyle. I'm going to dash out my window and kill a bear with my BARE HANDS!

Sitting on the Virtual Can

Since I had to go to an interview this afternoon, I had to reorganize my day. This led to me being unable to actually complete my 5 A Day project for today. So that will not be posted today. It will be back up and running tomorrow. Instead, I will comment on a couple of things that are running through my mind.

I have been thinking about Radiohead for the last couple of days. Don't get excited or anything. I actually don't particularly care for Radiohead. The only thing that I can consistently think about from Radiohead is the fuzzy noise ending for Karma Police. I don't like the rest of the song, and listening to a song that I particularly liked from them in high school Just has only reminded me of one fact: Radiohead is completely overrated. Some of their songs aren't bad. I'm not stupid enough to say something that callous. But, I will say that they are given an unnecessarily high position in the pantheon of rock music, especially for a band that has been consistently inconsistent in its recorded work. Consistency aside, they play glorified arena rock. There's nothing particularly special about it. U2 played the same stuff and did it better. Mysterious Ways, when not done by Legion of Rock Stars, is way better than Just or High and Dry or Karma Police, which are the better songs of Radiohead's oeuvre. If you are a Radiohead fanatic, that's cool. I like U2. We both like shitty 90s alt-rock. That's really OK, as long as we both know that Beck own both bands' asses.

When I wasn't thinking about Radiohead, I was thinking about an article that I read from Eurozine about the shopping mall as a replacement for the city center. To regain those people, the city center has become a commodity zone within itself. Good examples of this sanitation are N. Michigan Ave. in Chicago, Chinatown in D.C., Lower Manhattan. These areas are areas of bombardment. Logos and corporate sterility abound while jostling through the hordes of young professionals and tourists who are shopping in stores that they, most likely, can browse in their own hometowns. This reality is best shown in the following quote from the article:

City centres are where the global power brands position their "flagship stores", which are not only the temples of the brand image, but also their site of production. The global luxury brands must be present in the most expensive districts, since that's precisely what makes them global luxury brands. No main street without the ubiquitous Kenzo, Louis Vuitton, Prada, and Dior boutiques. Not only are city centres the areas where brands are present, they themselves become brand zones – competing internationally for tourists and investors, the cities must themselves become brands with an unmistakeable brand image, brand statements of steel, glass, concrete, or stone – and sometimes also flesh and blood. Of course, people are only tolerated in so far as they are paying visitors or local extras that harmonize with the image of the brand zone. Loiterers are moved on.

This rings true with me, at least, because I remember when D.C.'s Chinatown was actually a Chinese neighborhood. It was never a good Chinese neighborhood, but it did at least feel like a Chinese neighborhood with mostly chinese stores fronts, not names translated into Chinese. Now, it's almost impossible to find the restaurants and it is all generic brand restaurants and stores. You know that an area is on the come-up when it gets its own Urban Outfitters and TWO burrito places. This reality is a sad one, as I do like cities that have city aspects to them. The downtown is still populated with local color and stores. This might scare away tourism, but it also gives cities a soul that is lost in this new era of hypercommercialism. I guess this is why I also prefer the outer edges of cities much more than downtown areas because these areas are defined by people, not consumerism.

If having all of this on your mind along with trying to consider whether or not you want to hold a job hawking cell phones wasn't enough, I was also thinking about a topic close to my heart: hating. This thought was inspired by my watching of Wimbledon. Yes, I do like tennis. The summer is the best time for it because I had the French Open a couple weeks ago. Now, I get Wimbledon. I get about a month and a half off then I get the U.S. Open. In the meantime, I can watch how the rest of the world plays football better than the Americans. I'll go into that in a second, but let me continue on with how tennis relates to hating.

Tennis is a hater's sport for commentating. It's way too easy to hate in tennis commentary. This ideal is exemplified by Mary Carillo. She's a fantastic commentator, but she's also a consummate hater. Any opportunity for praise also an opportunity for hate. And that's where Carillo shines. She can celebrate, but she keeps folks in line like a true hater should. Carillo's consummate hating got me thinking about other people who are consummate haters. TV Judges on reality shows or on those court shows are not allowed. They have to hate. Real hating is unprovoked. Mika Brzezinski displayed some hate as a journalist by refusing to read the stories about the dead one. But that is only one instance. I need to see more consistent hating before I call her a consummate hater. I'm really struggling with this right now. I've got only sports commentators going in my head right now: Bill Walton, Mary Carillo, Jonny Miller (and I don't even like golf). The only classifications to be considered a consummate hater are a complete and ruthless need to always critique. Compliments are appreciated as always, but a consummate hater must be ruthlessly critical when the time arises. If you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate a rationale to go along just to understand, especially if I'm not familiar with the person.

I think that is all that I had on my mind for now. I will leave with a classic of the Bay Area before it went hyphy: Rappin-4-Tay's Players Club



Also, German girl rockers The Liverbirds with Peanut Butter



I am off the can.

Making Hamburgers Out of Sacred Cows

The Guardian has published an article detailing albums that are overrated to other musicians of note. The musicians include Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips, Billy Childish of Thee Milkshakes fame, and Craig Finn of the Hold Steady.

If the artists don't interest you, you should read for the quotes alone. They include such gems as:

- They're totally overrated. Plus they covered Scarborough Fair. I don't understand why people still play their music in nightclubs - it makes me really angry.

- The Beatles were the victims of their success. This is middle-of-the-road rock music for plumbers. Or people who drive round in Citroens - the sort of corporate hippies who ruined rock music.

- Lyrically, it's banal and doesn't say anything beyond "greed is bad". Radiohead are the 21st-century Floyd, which says it all really.

- In America when you're growing up, you're subjected to the Doors as soon as you start going to parties and smoking weed.

- Trout Mask wasn't a work of untutored genius, it was untutored crap

You have to read the article to get full context. I will say that the guy from Battles is just being a hater because the Strokes are successful even though Battles is better.

Why I Don't Like Stereogum

I have it in my RSS reader, but I usually find myself disappointed with its coverage of music as it is NY-centric and generally uninventive, following the general indie line. I'm also mad as they, a week after WFMU posted about it and I blogged about, have just posted on Legion of Rock Stars and their concept of pure pleasure. I'm not going to shank a bitch or anything like that, I'm just saying that they need to step their game up. They aren't that busy. Their job is my non-job: to read the internet and post about it. Call it hating if you want. I only have one response: HATE HATE HATE HATE!