Back To Britney

While her performance was terrible, she looked very good. Perfect? No. Healthy? Yes. A lot of people having been slamming her because she's not super thin. She's pretty thin. Also, her cause would have also been helped if she had not went out in a two-piece.

A Few Words on Ms. Spears

Last night, Britney Spears made a last attempt to save her public career, to show the world that she has gotten her shit back together and focused on the music again*. Coming out in her underwear and panties with some tights on, Britney sauntered around the stage, lip synced poorly (I've realized and accepted that she will never sing a song live. Why should I ever expect that of my pop stars?), and pretty much looked like a deer caught in headlights. Actually, the expression of Curtis at the third minute of her performance (if the link doesn't work, do a search on google video) pretty much sums up everything. His mouth is agape, unsure if he is watching a bad performance or the visualization of a career at its end.

Now, the new single's not really that good. It'll get some spins on the gay club circuit, but that's pretty much it. I'll be surprised if this song blows up. But, more on top of everything, her performance was just terrible. Uninspired, unmotivated, and poorly performed, I'm having difficulty in even offering an explanation for why we should care about Britney Spears as a pop singer anymore. At least Fergie's going all out and putting on good shows. We'll have to see if this performance was the death knell of Spear's career or if Spears can make it out of this period of turmoil to thrive once again. The good part about this is the fact that we will only have to wait a few weeks to find out as her album, I think, drops in October.

*focusing on the music is a relative term as she doesn't write much of her music. But, I'm meaning that she's at least back in the studio and recording or even hanging around in the studio. I will accept her hanging around in the studio as focusing on the music again.

Editorial note: I didn't watch the actual performance live. That would give MTV the impression that I support their programming, which I definitely don't now that they've canceled Pimp My Ride.

LNS: Because I Love All Of You

Today, the celebrity world was thrown into a tizzy by the following fact: Britney Spears has leaked some new music. AWWWWWWWW SHEEEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!

I think that was overkill. I'm not really that excited. I'm really just glad that she isn't in the press for trying to wear a shirt as a dress, dressing like a seven-year-old child, being grossly negligent of her own children, or flashing her vag. And, for that reason, I am excited about this reality.

But, music isn't about the person who makes it. If that were the case, Jewel would be huge with men (She has breasts the size of my head!). But, she's not because her music sucks on ice. It's cool if you are into it, but it's not this guy's bag. And, this is coming from someone who listened to Jewel for most of his high school career.

My emo trippings aside, the Britney songs aren't very good, not very good at all. Actually, they suck. I don't even think that these songs will be popular in the gay clubs and those cats love dancing. And, when you can't get spins at the gay club, your career is pretty much in jeopardy with no sweet filler music.

Celebrities and the People Who Love Them?

So, if you are not up-to-date on the ins and outs of Hollywood, let me sweep you up to date with one classy phrase that a pimp somewhere developed years upon years ago: bitch is crazy. Which bitch you may ask? Glad you did. There are three, to be specific. Let's start with everyone's favorite child-bearing pop singer who married her backup dancer and his super sperm: Britney Spears.

Spears has been a straight mess. According to OK!, Spears had a breakdown at their interview. She looked like a hot mess, spread chicken grease on a Gucci dress, and cleaned up dog poop with a Chanel dress. I'm sure he'd probably kick an ass or two because that's what Karl Lagerfeld would do. Anyway, this is just more wood to the continual mess that has been the life of Britney Spears for the last year. Between the vag photos, the highly public divorce, PoPoZao, Playing With Fire, child custody battles, and coming out in public looking like a street walker, I don't know how Britney hasn't broken down yet either. This girl is a hot mess who either has a mental problem or is beyond saving. I'd like to think the former because that one is fixable. Seriously, I'm sick of seeing this chick make an ass out of herself and filling our gossip rags with useless, uninteresting information about her life. It's not funny anymore. It's really sad.

Any woman that I feel the same way about is Jessica Alba. First, this girl is a straight hater. She comes out in public and just makes hater comments. Unfortunately, she sounds vindictive and angry instead of kind of interesting. No man in the industrialized world, apparently, cares because she's supposed to be one of the hottest women on the face of the planet. I'm in disagreement because she doesn't really do anything for me physically; she's also kind of uninteresting to read about and that's an immediate turnoff to me (I do have to read the gossip about these people). Anyway, she broke up with her two-and-a-half year boyfriend in the most classless way possible: via Phone Call...from another continent. On top of this, she sent an assistant to his house to take his stuff out, thereby eliminating all need to see him again. I mean, except for the fact that she will because everyone in Hollywood sees each other again. Now, that's not G. That's not hood. That's straight punk. Bammas do shit like this. Alba is dead to me. She should act like a real human and at least do it face to face, even if it turns out terribly.

Someone that I wouldn't want to see right now is the misguided train wreck of a starlet Lindsay Lohan. Honestly, I think that she could be a good actress if she weren't always getting in ridiculous predicaments and affiliating herself with the wrong people. As you know from this very blog (Information Blast from the previous day to be exact), Lohan was busted for drugs and DUI. So, this arrest with all of her previous incidents means that Lohan the actress may be dead because no one will take the chance to actually hire here. The term that I read elsewhere was that Lohan was "uninsurable." When you are uninsurable anywhere, you have pretty much signed a death ticket, both literally and figuratively. I can only hope that Lohan pulls through this as she is a very good actress who does do well when given the right opportunity. I think her first step should be finding a new mom. I think a Dame should volunteer to take La Lohan under her wing, teach her how to be a better actress, and show her the right way in life. I think Helen Mirren should volunteer for this because I sense that she would have a sense of humor about it while also not being willing to take a lot of shit from Lindsay.

And, with the suggestion that Dame Helen take upon Lindsay Lohan, I depart from the left coast and go back to the mountain lifestyle. I'm going to dash out my window and kill a bear with my BARE HANDS!

Posh the Street Walker

Now, I know that Europe likes to break out of the mold and do things that us more puritanical Americans, but there is an invisible line that is drawn in the sand, reminding us that no matter what continent you are from: wrong is wrong.

This can be said for one Mrs. David Beckham, Victoria Beckham.


Now, I'm not one to criticize, but this is on a level with our current crazy fashionista Britney Spears. The exposed, mismatch bra. The absurd zebra print. The heavy swoops. I guess I'd rather have the heavy swoops than the cheap weaves that Britney has been rocking as of late as she tries to do her best Samuel L Jackson imitation. I kind of want the two of them to get into a catfight to find out who can be the tackiest. Posh's dress can go against Britney's two-animal pattern bra in a death match.

Photo Source

A New Letter To Britney

Dear Britney,

I would have hoped that you learned from your previous incident where you were caught out in public with your bra and panties on full blast. But, with the surfacing of this picture, I have to say that you haven't. In fact, this is a more egregious failure of fashion. I can see your boobs in an opaque shirt as well. You don't need to wear this burgundy mesh shirt or the TWO-TONE Bra. What you thought I wouldn't notice that thing has a snake and leopard pattern on it? And it's got blue straps, too! Fantastic! Yea another tragedy. I swear, you come out in public and look worse and worse. Additionally, who ever your stylist is, s/he needs to be fired. Why? Do I need to say? Look at your wig! It looks like an animal died on your head. I don't know if I should just let it go or try to save it from inhumane treatment. Also, leave the Kangol hats to Samuel L. Jackson. Once you start quoting sections of the bible and chaining petite white female nymphomaniacs to radiators, we'll talk about that. Also, way for the hat to not match ANYTHING that you are wearing. Just awful. I want to like you, but your making it so hard for me.

On a positive, your body's on point. Too bad nothing else is.

Peace, Britney. xo, Ace

Has She Gone Off The Deep End?

Yea, she did perform last night, which hints at the idea of sanity, but these new pictures suggest otherwise. You decide.

Source: Egotastic

See-Thru is Passé

Dear Ms. Spears:

I have not always been your largest fan. Toxic was pretty hot, but I could do without the rest of the music. My personal feelings towards you aside, I felt that I had to tell you that you look like a cheap prostitute. While you think you might look hot, you totally do not. Also, let us not forget, you are a mother to TWO kids. Shouldn't you make your look more mature and making a better example for them? I don't think walking around on the streets like this is acceptable.


Where do I even start with this. Since the first thing I see is the boots, I'll let those slide. Those actually look pretty nice. Those fishnets on the other hand: not so much. I hope you weren't planning to show up at the burlesque house in those. And, my major problem, this top. I have three major problems with this thing and two of them are underwear. Now, that leaves only one problem: this girl is walking the streets in a see-through dress!! I thought only Jamaican dudes wore see-through clothing. But, no! You do too, Ms. Spears! This is a tragedy. Like, I makes me gag a little looking at it.

In summary, yes, Britney, I get it. You lost weight. You look good. Can you put it away now or at least not dress like a street walker? You are a celebrity, act like it. You are your own worst enemy. Do something to help your own cause.

Sincerely, Ace

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