The Obsession with Ms. Hilton

Apparently, everyone today has decided to mentally shut down and talk about Paris Hilton all day. There I said it. Are you happy, world? I used her name.

That done, I've been reading bits from the interview the dead one gave to Larry King last night. All I essentially have to say is that she pretty much confirmed what I thought: the interview was going to be worth less than the tape is was recorded on. She's about as charismatic as a boulder and three times less articulate. Also, just for reference, if you spend a bunch of time saying you read a book and can't recall anything from it, you probably should take a remedial reading class at your local Adult Learning Center.

I'm not saying that I can recall bible verses from memory, but I also don't call myself a christian or have purported to have read the bible for the past three weeks. The last times I read the bible, I was about to smoke up. The time before that, when I actually focused on reading it: I was 13. I'm going on 23. I have an excuse for not recalling things from the bible. She doesn't, especially for someone who has found her new spirituality in Christ.

Additionally, she said that she did not do drugs. While I don't consider marijuana a drug, I would say that using marijuana to most people is using drugs. It will keep you from getting employed, so that's a drug in the public sense of the word. I would also saying that you get fucked in the butt for coke is a pretty reasonable self-incrimination for a cocaine habit. There is no can of Coca-Cola in the world that taste that good. Also, screaming let's get coked up is normally not a good example either. But, you are one of those people who needs proof. Here. At around minute four is your freakin' proof.

It's OK if people are ashamed of their past. But, one cannot lie about it when you are as closely followed as the dead one is. She, with this interview, has only solidified why she is a terrible role model for the youth and is reviled by so many different people. But, then again, why am I even surprised by this? Was I expecting her to be more mature and grown-up? She's 26 and has marketed herself as a party girl with little other talent. I'm actually going to end this here because I'm disappointed with myself for spending so much time on this.

The Dead One Gets Paid

Apparently, once P. Hilton a/k/a The Dead One is getting a huge payday from NBC once she gets out. To the tune of one million dollars. Honestly. Is it worth this much?

I Have To Go Off About This

As everyone knows, I try to avoid ranting because I have a problem of ending up in a completely different place than I started, but, for this rant, it is very, very simple: Paris Hilton is not news.

Today, I have seen the mainstream media obsess about Paris Hilton leaving jail to be placed under house arrest. She's not important at all. What has Paris Hilton actually done? What? Nothing at all. She opened her legs and got filmed doing it. Oh, and this is on top of her throwing homophobic and racial slurs around, dissing her friends, flaking out on appearances, and being a terrible role model for young girls who invariably follow her every waking move because any magazine with a mostly female readership is obligated to cover her.

Amongst other things that happened today, Oman got hammered by a cyclone which killed 25 people and another 26 are missing. We have suffered the 3,500th Death in Iraq today. We're already over that actually. Also, in a tie to Iraq, Lebanon and Palestine are about to go to war with each other. And we have President Bush in Germany endangering the long-term health of the planet by not accepting limits on carbon emissions. But, none of this is important. What is more important is the fact that a woman with no discernable talents of any sort is getting out of jail 20 days before she is supposed to.

Words do not express my anger at this situation. When I grew up (and this is like maybe 13-14 years ago), news was about important current events. It was a place that you went to learn about the day's happenings in the world, in Congress, in your local community. It was intended to be an informational source, keeping people up to date and making them effective, informed citizens. News departments were not held to the same standard as entertainment because news was never intended to be entertainment; it was intended to be informational, and information is not always the most exciting thing. Unfortunately, this ethos has disappeared. Now, when I open my RSS feed from supposedly the best name in journalism (CNN), I am surrounded with fluff pieces about Paula Abdul and Paris Hilton. This isn't news; this is entertainment. And entertainment is fine when it is not considered real news. But, when you start calling it real news, you are doing a disservice to the public at large.

The public has lost sources of news. They have been replaced with infotainment, some weird hybrid to attract people like me (youth demographics, 18-35) to it. But, on the contrary, it has repelled me. I think my breaking point was the commercial free coverage of Anna Nicole Smith. When it happened, I saw people pontificating and thinking about it and thought someone important had died. Then I realized: it's fucking Anna Nicole Smith, a gold digging has-been playmate.

I came to understand that my dreams of actual news on television that didn't involve white kids (they don't have by-the-minute coverage of searches for Black kids and we all know it), white girls (same logic as above plus girls are oh so useless, they can't do anything without the help of the mainstream media), and celebrities was exactly that: a dream. It actually makes me really sad to say that the news has become self-defeating. It really does. Between the run-up to the war, the non-stop coverage of reality programming like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars, and the constant coverage of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton on CNN and MSNBC, the mainstream media is lighting its own path to self-destruction. Apparently, people dying in Iraq, the unfurling of the new Watergate, the lack of agreement on immigration, the disregard for civility in Washington, the rollback of Women's rights, the obstinacy of the Bush administration, and the allowance of torture and unjust military prisons isn't really important if Paris Hilton gets let out of jail early or a little pretty white girl is lost.

If I sound cynical, I am. I'm just fed up with the state of news right now. I want news to be news again instead of being bullshit like it is now. But, with the constant coverage of Paris Hilton, I'll be assured that this will not happen any time soon.

Paris Hilton is Dead To Me

From herein, unless she saves the world or gets involved in a beef with Lindsay Lohan or another celebrity that I actually care about, Paris Hilton is dead to the editorial staff of Oh Stewardess...

Why you may ask? She was let out of jail today for medical reasons. It might just be me watching too much Oz, but the last time I checked, if you have a problem in jail, you go to the prison doctor who can usually do something about that. In the report from the AP, Hilton was refusing to eat the food being served to her. Boo hoo. I have no sympathy for Hilton. None.

She's going to be on house arrest for the last 40 days of her sentence, but that's bullshit. House arrest isn't really punishment. Hell, I'm on voluntary house arrest now and it's really easy. The only problem I might have with real house arrest is walking to my mailbox.

So, with this new travesty of justice going, I have decided that enough is enough. Paris Hilton is dead to this blog now except in extreme circumstances as noted above. And, if you think I'm lying, try me.

She Leads a Life of Crime

Oh, in case you didn't know, Paris Hilton has decided to go off to jail now. TMZ has way more coverage than the link I just referred you to. In addition, TMZ has posts on Paris's living situation, her meals, her trip, her last hours out. Anything you could want to know about Paris Hilton and her trip to the clink can be found out from TMZ.com. And if that isn't good enough for you, TMZ has listed ways for you to write letters and visit the embattled celebutant.

Honestly, this is something that shouldn't have been covered because it furthers the idea that Paris Hilton is an actual celebrity. Yes, she is a real person, but I'm a real person too. And I, like Hilton, have done nothing to further my celebrity in life and don't reference anything involving National Lampoon as proof. Those straight-to-video movies are jokes and do not further anything except the distance between these shitty new movies and old classics involving Chevy Chase. Also, if I wanted to, I could probably have a reality show on television now too. The Simple Life is not really an accomplishment that I want to write home about, but Paris and Kathy probably talk about it all of the time. She would talk to Pops but he's busying making money to be blown away (no pun intended).

So, with this all said, I am declaring a moratorium on Paris Hilton for the next 22 days. She's in jail and she's not really important in my own life, so I'm not going to talk about her. And I'm actually going to hold up my moratorium unlike those punk ass bitches over at the Associated Press.

A Question for Everyone

Kathy Hilton has said that Paris Hilton, in serving her oh-so-overdue debt to society, should be a role model to young people. Now, I don't know about most people, but I don't know what is laudatory about a girl who has been given opportunity after opportunity to right the ship. And, time and time again, found someone way to throw it away. This is on top of being catty, bitchy, disrespectful, and having the mentality of a 5th grader. Add to this that she doesn't understand that the world does not revolve around her, that she has gotten too big for her britches. So, Kathy, how am I supposed to revel in the example set by your fantastic daughter? Should I go do a lot of drugs, party all night, crash my car into other cars, whore myself to the paparazzi, insult hard-working Americans on national television, and hurl childish insults at my so-called friends? Yep, great example to follow there, Kathy.

More about Paris Hilton

CNN:

Paris Hilton is "emotionally distraught and traumatized" over her 45-day jail sentence and is not capable of testifying in a civil lawsuit against her, the socialite-reality TV star's psychiatrist said.

Yea, you make your own snark.

Paris Goes to...the Clink

As has been reported, Paris Hilton will be going to jail starting on June 5th. She will be punished for her transgressions. She doesn't think that this is so hot. As I've noted before, this is really hot. If anyone needs to go to jail, it's Paris Hilton. She has been on the wrong side of the law so many time, it's actually kind of sad. While she is willing, or forced to, serve her 45-day term, there is one specific problem: the Los Angeles County jail system is overcrowded.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County (this is where Phoenix is. That's in Arizona, ICYDK) is willing to take on Ms. Hilton. It's also worth noting that Arpaio does not run a normal jail. His jail is a tent camp in the desert of Arizona, which can get up into the 100's regularly. There is no air conditioning and the inmates sleep in bunks. The simplest way to describe this place is grimy. But, Paris needs this. Hollywood needs this. And, additionally, I need it. I need to stop being inundated with images of Paris all of the time. Between the gossip sites, gossip rags, gossip television, and E! re-airing The Simple Life during insomnia hours, I can't take anymore.

Worst Women in Prison Movie Ever

Paris Hilton would do a terrible job of using her wares to negotiate the clink while she (possibly) serves time. If she actually has to go to jail, maybe it'd be a wake-up call for all of her buddies to stop being so fucking irresponsible all of the time. But, seriously, Paris in Chains= not so hot. Sorry, Paris!