Thursday, August 30, 2007

For All of the Pervs

Radar has posted the new sex tape: the Larry Craig Investigation Tapes. As much as that title may lead you on, the interrogation consists of a lot of this:

DK: Urn, you you're skipping some parts here, but what what about your hand?
LC What about it? I reached down, my foot like this. There was a piece of paper on the floor, I picked it up.
DK: Okay.
LC What about my hand?
DK: Well, you're not being truthful with me, I'm kinda disappointed in you Senator. I'm real disappointed in you right now. Okay. I'm not, just so you know, just like everybody, I, I , I, treat with dignity, I try to pull them away from the situation.
LC: I, I
DK: and not embarrass them.
LC: I appreciate that.
DK: And I
LC: You did that after the stall.
This whole thing is pretty benign except for this gem of a line from the copper: I expect this from the guy that we get out of the hood. He means Black people. Also, in another interesting bit, Craig defends his action by saying that he was picking up a piece of toilet paper off the ground. For anyone who has gone to a public bathroom, do YOU pick up toilet paper off the floor? I know I sure as hell don't. I don't think that most other people do either. So, Larry, try again with a better defense. And, as a final note, I've never heard the term "pissing match" before. I don't know what that's about.

Seeing as there are no wangs, Black people, or teenagers involved, I have to say that this is the most boring sex scandal of the last five years without question. Mark Foley's scandal was way more titillating than this one. The most exciting part of this scandal's transcripts is this:

DK: Okay. And when you went in the stalls, then what?
LC: Sat down.
DK: Okay. Did you do anything with your feet?
LC: Positioned them, I don't know. I don't know at the time. I'm a fairly wide guy.
DK: I understand.
LC: I had to spread my legs.
DK: Okay.
LC: When I lower my pants so they won't slide.
DK: Okay.
LC: Did I slide them too close to yours? Did I, I looked down once, your foot was close to mine.
DK Yes.
LC Did we bump? Ah, you said so, I don't recall that, but apparently we were close.
DK Yeah, well your foot did touch mine, on my side of the stall.
Worst. Scandal. Ever.