Sunday, June 3, 2007

Boobs Don't Always Swing

Every year in the summer, my aunt in Frederick has a formal ball for her Walk for the Cure team. Because it's a nice cause, the people are involved are family (my aunt and her daughter do the walk together with a couple of other people as well), and know that I would never hear the end of it if I didn't come, I wear a tie for one of two or three times all year and attend.

I have gone to this event twice, and it really has yet to let me down. Last year, the ball was full. There was a local blues band playing along with a DJ who had no clue of what it meant to make the dance floor move. But, luckily, the DJ's inability to make people dance did not stop some of the people at the party from busting a groove. When I say busting a groove, I mean busting a groove. Nothing can make a group of people get really, really raw on the dance floor than drinking a shit ton of booze. Honestly, booze is the only way to explain why a guy would get on the dance floor and do the worm not once or thrice. But four times! four! And it wasn't during the DJ; it was actually during the blues band. Yea, my jaw dropped to the floor, too. It left me laughing the whole night and thoroughly enjoying the experience of the night even though no one could do the electric slide all that well and the buffet sucked.

While the year has changed, the event hasn't really changed. The blues band was rebooked but cancelled before the event so it was just the DJ by himself. This was a tragedy within itself, but it wasn't as much of a tragedy as the buffet was this year. Chicken, potatoes, green beans, pre-made salads, and rolls. That was the meal because I don't consider the piece of leather that they gave me and called roast beef to be a part of the meal (If I ask for medium, I don't expect a piece of meat to be brown all the way through). But, like last year, there was more than enough liquor flowing through the room, especially since the liquor was dirt cheap and being shelled out with the efficiency.

While there weren't as many people as the year before, there don't need to be a lot of people for someone to make an ass of themselves on the dance floor. This year that title when to this guy and his "friend with benefits" (read: fuck buddy, booty call). The FWB, apparently, never danced in a formal dress and hiked it up far too high. So high, in fact, the DJ, and almost the entire room, found out what kind of underwear she was wearing when she got low. Oh, also, she had ridiculously fake breasts. They didn't move. And, yes, I did stare and I'm not ashamed. If you were there, you would have stared too. They were unreal *rimshot*.

Even though we were mesmerized by her boobs, we, and I do mean we, stopped looking at her to gape at her buddy who was clearly on another level. Adopted family member Gretchen (she comes to enough of our family events to be a member of our family)noted that he dances like he has prosthetic legs; his knees don't bend. Her assessment is right, but that's an insult to people with artificial legs because I'm convinced that they can dance better than this guy. He couldn't do the cha cha slide. The cha cha slide tells you how to do the cha cha slide. I can't understand how someone could be off of it. But, at multiple points over the four hours of music, him and another guy threw rhythm out the window and went all out. It was amazing to watch, but, wow, it was definitely some of the worst dancing that I've ever seen in my life. I can only hope that when I attend this event next year b/c I probably will have to again that it is so drunken and rhythmless.

This event was legitimated from being a misplaced house party (there were like 30 people at an event meant for about 100-150) after we found out that one of the women catering the event was actually suffering from breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy and was still being treated. She thanked us immensely for what we were doing. That did make it worthwhile. But, it also probably would have been worthwhile if I had donated some actual money to the cause. But I can't donate the money that I don't make due to my unemployment, so cut me a little slack. I'm not so heartless as to not donate to a cause that would affect many people in my life such as Breast Cancer if I can.